Sunday 3 November 2019

Self-care, What's That All About?

Originally written September 25th, 2019

I've been in a tougher spot lately, eomtionally which trickles down to physically.  Our emotions, well atleast my emotions are directly linked to my physical well being. If my stress levels are off then everything is off, mainly because I'm probably not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

When my yoga takes a backseat then its a full on cascade of epic destruction. My yoga is my only tried and tested way to unwind. I don't smoke, drink, or eat lots of chocolate or other vices. My only way to destress is yoga. Well, for about a month yoga has been extremely challenging, because I badly sprained my wrist starting the lawn mower no less and couldn't do any proper poses.  The bulk of my yoga practice is downward positions and I'm not strong enough to do them one handed. So, here I am only a few days back in to being able to do yoga and having a stress/phsyical/emotional setback. I can and will get back on track, but my self-care took a back seat and now Im hanging out the metaphorical truck about to chuck. 

This is why people talk about self-care so so much. I've been a sounding board for all my friends this past month and they're all going through some seriously big shit. But, with no way for me to let all that go, I ended up taking on their problems and setting myself up for anxiety town.  Then, last week we added two shootings close to my house and recipe for disaster and anxiety ensues when we culminate all of this with PMS. And, another big part of all this stress and nonsense, I haven't been praying and leaving it all to my higher power. I've been trying to tackle it all on my own with no help, only my willpower. Big, silly, no! 

One of the first things I learned in sobriety was that I'm powerless when I use just my willpower alone, because relying on willpower is what keeps me sick and not living in love and light and truth. So, what else do I do for self-care? I stop relying on just me to do all the things. I pray and I leave it up to God to guide me and help me through it all. Just writing that reduced my stress and worries. Its true though. I can't actually control anything except my choices. My choices of no self-care these past few weeks have been shitty choices so....get yourself together lady!

I'm back in my yoga routine and I'm not allowing interruptions of that from my friends or family. I'm praying and leaving all the things I can't control up to God, my higher power. If my spiritual life is right then everything else is okay too. I'm allowing myself to rest when I'm tired and doing some crafts and creative work instead of things that increase my worries. I'm gearing up...

Continued writing November 3rd, 2019

It's been a solid month of getting back on track to the strong, stable, woman I am.  I had to redirect myself in supporting my friends and be honest with them about where I'm at.  I have a natural desire to help the people I love when they're gong through stuff, but I have to be in a place where I'm NOT taking it on and I just haven't been in that place.  I'm not a therapist, I'm mom, wife, daughter, friend, and badass goddess lady who sometimes needs a break! I focused on myself. I stopped writing for the month too, because that was amping me up instead of calming me down, overall.  My friends understood and I think they appreciated my honesty. There's only so much I can do, especially if I'm not doing right by myself.  It's a healthier balance putting me first and truthfully, after all these years, I deserve to be my priority.  It doesn't mean that I don't care about others, but their trauma is not my trauma and it can't become my trauma.  I hope and pray that healing will come to my friends, but no-one's healing can ever be at the expense of mine.

1 comment:

  1. Glad to hear you're back on track! You're right -- it's like what they tell you on an airplane -- put on your own oxygen mask before helping others (even a child) put on theirs. Self-care is Priority One! It took me a few years to learn that lesson but I'm glad I did.

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