Self-care, What's That All About?

Originally written September 25th, 2019

I've been in a tougher spot lately, eomtionally which trickles down to physically.  Our emotions, well atleast my emotions are directly linked to my physical well being. If my stress levels are off then everything is off, mainly because I'm probably not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

When my yoga takes a backseat then its a full on cascade of epic destruction. My yoga is my only tried and tested way to unwind. I don't smoke, drink, or eat lots of chocolate or other vices. My only way to destress is yoga. Well, for about a month yoga has been extremely challenging, because I badly sprained my wrist starting the lawn mower no less and couldn't do any proper poses.  The bulk of my yoga practice is downward positions and I'm not strong enough to do them one handed. So, here I am only a few days back in to being able to do yoga and having a stress/phsyical/emotional setback. I can and will get back on track, but my self-care took a back seat and now Im hanging out the metaphorical truck about to chuck. 

This is why people talk about self-care so so much. I've been a sounding board for all my friends this past month and they're all going through some seriously big shit. But, with no way for me to let all that go, I ended up taking on their problems and setting myself up for anxiety town.  Then, last week we added two shootings close to my house and recipe for disaster and anxiety ensues when we culminate all of this with PMS. And, another big part of all this stress and nonsense, I haven't been praying and leaving it all to my higher power. I've been trying to tackle it all on my own with no help, only my willpower. Big, silly, no! 

One of the first things I learned in sobriety was that I'm powerless when I use just my willpower alone, because relying on willpower is what keeps me sick and not living in love and light and truth. So, what else do I do for self-care? I stop relying on just me to do all the things. I pray and I leave it up to God to guide me and help me through it all. Just writing that reduced my stress and worries. Its true though. I can't actually control anything except my choices. My choices of no self-care these past few weeks have been shitty choices so....get yourself together lady!

I'm back in my yoga routine and I'm not allowing interruptions of that from my friends or family. I'm praying and leaving all the things I can't control up to God, my higher power. If my spiritual life is right then everything else is okay too. I'm allowing myself to rest when I'm tired and doing some crafts and creative work instead of things that increase my worries. I'm gearing up...

Continued writing November 3rd, 2019

It's been a solid month of getting back on track to the strong, stable, woman I am.  I had to redirect myself in supporting my friends and be honest with them about where I'm at.  I have a natural desire to help the people I love when they're gong through stuff, but I have to be in a place where I'm NOT taking it on and I just haven't been in that place.  I'm not a therapist, I'm mom, wife, daughter, friend, and badass goddess lady who sometimes needs a break! I focused on myself. I stopped writing for the month too, because that was amping me up instead of calming me down, overall.  My friends understood and I think they appreciated my honesty. There's only so much I can do, especially if I'm not doing right by myself.  It's a healthier balance putting me first and truthfully, after all these years, I deserve to be my priority.  It doesn't mean that I don't care about others, but their trauma is not my trauma and it can't become my trauma.  I hope and pray that healing will come to my friends, but no-one's healing can ever be at the expense of mine.

We Interupt this Marriage for Hunting Season!

It's hunting season in Alberta!  Most areas are open for bow hunting and game bird season. So, what is my family doing? Hunting...almost all the time when not in school or at work, my guys will be out on the land getting some upland birds for our freezer.  Come November 1st then it shifts to actually taking time off school and work to go out for the deer and this year Hubbs scored a moose tag from the draw. Woohoo!!!

I've become extremely protective of my guys when it comes to hunting, because to my surprise I've actually gotten quit a bit of negative feedback from people I thought were friends. I'm so very proud of their hard work and thankful for the food they provide for us, that I get mama bear angry when people share their negative opinions on hunting. My stand is, unless you are a very strict vegan, shut your mouth and keep your opinions to yourself. I don't care! If you buy meat from a store and then condemn my family for harvesting our own, fuck off!  No, seriously...go away. We're busy enjoying our beautiful life with the gifts given to us from the land to have time for nonsense.

Hunting is a natural, instinctual way to provide for ones family. There is nothing more real than teaching our kids exactly where food comes from than by teaching them how to hunt for themselves. There is an amazing respect for animals and the land that is gained through hunting that just can't be bought or taught any other way. Hunters are part of responsible conservation and stewardship. Survival skills are so precious to have and surviving while hunting is a delicate dance that builds character and hardiness of spirit.  On opening day of bird season my guys invited me to walk with them while they went on their hunt and my Lord, was it beautiful!!! I see why they come home so recharged and calm after a hunt.

Our family does it all too, from the first moment of the hunt, with licence, tags, & all the legalities and ethics being followed, all the way to the harvesting, processing,  packaging and freezing of meat. We do it all ourselves and with the help of fellow hunters.

I've learned how to cook and season deer, duck, prairie chickens, & rabbit (so far, not a fan of rabbit yet). I've learned how to make deer jerky and even deer pepperonis (They still need practice though).  What KoasterRider and his Dad hunt and harvest is what feeds our family through the toughest parts of winter and if we're lucky until the following hunting season.  We're talking free-range, 100% organic, wild food for the mere price of time, tags/licences, and fuel.  It's become such a big deal for my journey into living more holistically and naturally. I love it!!!  I'm pretty sure they love it too.

If hunting is something that interests you, there's a few things to know before you just go out there and do it. All hunters in Alberta are required to take and pass the Hunter Education Course before they can purchase hunting licences and tags.  If you plan to hunt with firearms instead of bow, then you will also need to take and pass the Canadian Firearms Safety Course then apply for your Possession and Acquisition Licence (PAL) through the RCMP.  There are hunting regulations and zones that must be followed and they can change, sometimes yearly, so you need to get your Hunting Regulations book each year to make sure you stay current.  There's lots of information online, but the best way to truly learn is through another hunter, so ask around. Hunting is full of a large community of people who are skilled and love what they do. Hunting is more than a hobby, its a way of life...a way of life that my family has taken to very well!

Here's some links for more information regarding hunting in Alberta:

Alberta Hunter Education Instruction Association
Alberta Guide to Hunting Regulations
Hunting In Alberta - Alberta Government website
My Wild Alberta
Report a Poacher
Alberta Conservation Association


Happy hunting and stay safe out there!

Craving Fruits and Veggies

A few months ago I got a lot more serious about filling my body with real food and less processed stuff. It's always hard to make the switch at first, because it's like my body gets angry when I do nice things for it. My body rebels against me taking away apple turnovers and replacing them with fresh fruit, but that rebellion doesn't last long once the new, healthy habits take root.

Well, I'd say they're taking root, because last week, instead of craving carbs and sweets I began craving fruit and vegetables instead. I stuck with healthy choices and I beat out my body's natural rebellions! Yes! Now, all she wants and craves is healthy choices like my homemade salads with many leafy greens, veg, & meat and my homemade sugar free vinaigrette. All she craves for desserts is fruit and berries exactly as God made them with nothing added. Its wonderful!!!

Beef burgers made from scratch with homemade burger sauce, greens, homemade pickles and fresh summer fruit for dessert

A shit ton o'greens with shredded carrots, cucumbers, wild harvested venison w/Greek marinade and my homemade vinaigrette. I eat variations of this almost every single day and it's so so delicious and nutritious.

Change isn't easy, but sticking it out has been completely worth the mood swings and the feeling of being deprived. I'm not feeling deprived or anything negative anymore, in fact, quite the opposite.  I'm feeling stronger and fulfilled from fresh food.

I always thought healthier choices were important, I mean who doesn't, right?! But I never thought I'd actually be able to enjoy the choice of healthy eating. Does this mean that I'll never ever have a slice of cake...ummm...hells no! But it does mean that I'm making positive choices which is all part of my living wellness journey and there's nothing but good in that, even when there's cake mixed in.

More Comfortable in My Skin

The last year or so has been a supercharged journey of beginning to be me again. I'm approaching 40 and my body has started showing me that the very early stages of perimenopause are making their appearance. I decided to take it head on and get a shit ton more comfortable with me, because I've got a big journey of change ahead of me and I want to be as present and alive through it all as I possibly can.

When I was a teenager I remember that the women around me I most admired were 40+. All these women were exactly who they were and proud of it. They didn't take anyone's shit while being loving too. They were honest, authentic, and most of all fucking wild and ballsy as hell. I always wanted and hoped to have "it" whatever it was that they had. Now that I'm entering the stage of life that the women I most admired were in, I think I'm actually getting it. Its not about trying to be...its about just being exactly who the good Lord made me to be and no longer comparing myself to what I think others want of me. Its fucking comfortable and wild and crazy. Its speaking up for myself and walking away. It's a knowingness that I am perfectly beautiful and weird and not changing for anyone.

I'm really loving this time! I'm enjoying my confidence in parenting, although adjusting to being the mom of a teenager was a challenging shift, my intuition is strong and Im going with it. I'm really enjoying my marriage and how much more relaxed I am as a wife and lover. I'm more at peace with my health and wellness and its imperfections. I've really settled into my body and what she can do for me and is capable of. The last time I loved this body this much was when I was growing a human. Its remarkable, this life stuff. I'm feeling badass again and I'm actually celebrating that it doesn't matter if I'm a "good girl", it only matters that I'm all of me and that I like who she is. If others don't like me then they can fuck right off & the most amazing part is I actually mean that!

I basically feel like a later season Captain Janeway, strong, in charge of those under my care, loving, willing to do whatever it takes to be true to my principles, and the most awesome badass bitch in the galaxy. I can't wait to see what else this life is bringing me. The good, the bad, and even the mundane...come on over you crazy, beautiful life!